Pranks: Food stealers
These pranks are geared towards those unfortunate bastards who are choosing to eat your food, and will only really work if this person eats your food (hopefully against your will) with some regularity. These are not to be done lightly to a spouse, or significant other - these are acts of hostility.
-Leave some cooked bratwurst in the fridge, with prominently displayed buns on the counter. Who doesn't like cold brats for a snack? (vegans, many other people) This will work fine with a hotdog, or an Italian sausage. Acquire some Ipecac syrup, and a plastic syringe. Insert the syringe into the end of the brat, and put a full dose into the length of it. Serious professional grade vomiting will be induced within 5-10 minutes or so of consumption. Advise the victim to drink some water afterwards, to re-hydrate them.
-Purchase a beverage that you know will be ganked, and spike it with one dose of flavorless fleet oral laxative. This will induce a loose bowel movement within 30 minutes to a few hours. There are many wonderful products that will replicate this effect. I've actually seen this done, though it was taken willingly by the subject on a dare. They shat prodigiously, and quickly. You should probably stick to the recommended dosage, or maybe 1.5 that, if you trust that your subject is in good health, and if you really want them to shit their pants at work. Again, once they've drank it, have them drink some water, it will help.
-Melt down some chocolate, and place a handful of cotton balls on a sheet of wax paper. Once the chocolate is melted down to a liquid, pour it gently over the balls, covering them completely. Leave out in a candy dish once cooled.
-At either sam's club or wal-mart, they sell bags of dog treats called ole' roy's, or something similar. They look disturbingly similar to the type of beef jerky that comes in a large plastic bag. So, replace the real jerky with the dog treats and abandon in a delicious spot. As I have discovered earlier in my life, dog treats that look like people food do not taste like people food. It tastes like sand mixed with ass.
-Chocolate laxatives have so many uses, it would be criminal just to list one idea. It can be melted down as above, and made into candy, or drizzled over the top of something like donuts, or cookies. It can just be broken up into little squares and mixed in with some trail mix ingredients. The sky is the limit with these things.
Remember, you didn't hear any of this from me.
----IMPORTANT SAFETY WARNING!----
If you are going to actually use any of these ideas, please first familiarize yourself with the substances you will be using and their side effects. Please.
If you are going to actually use any of these ideas, please first familiarize yourself with the substances you will be using and their side effects. Please.
-Leave some cooked bratwurst in the fridge, with prominently displayed buns on the counter. Who doesn't like cold brats for a snack? (vegans, many other people) This will work fine with a hotdog, or an Italian sausage. Acquire some Ipecac syrup, and a plastic syringe. Insert the syringe into the end of the brat, and put a full dose into the length of it. Serious professional grade vomiting will be induced within 5-10 minutes or so of consumption. Advise the victim to drink some water afterwards, to re-hydrate them.
-Purchase a beverage that you know will be ganked, and spike it with one dose of flavorless fleet oral laxative. This will induce a loose bowel movement within 30 minutes to a few hours. There are many wonderful products that will replicate this effect. I've actually seen this done, though it was taken willingly by the subject on a dare. They shat prodigiously, and quickly. You should probably stick to the recommended dosage, or maybe 1.5 that, if you trust that your subject is in good health, and if you really want them to shit their pants at work. Again, once they've drank it, have them drink some water, it will help.
-Melt down some chocolate, and place a handful of cotton balls on a sheet of wax paper. Once the chocolate is melted down to a liquid, pour it gently over the balls, covering them completely. Leave out in a candy dish once cooled.
-At either sam's club or wal-mart, they sell bags of dog treats called ole' roy's, or something similar. They look disturbingly similar to the type of beef jerky that comes in a large plastic bag. So, replace the real jerky with the dog treats and abandon in a delicious spot. As I have discovered earlier in my life, dog treats that look like people food do not taste like people food. It tastes like sand mixed with ass.
-Chocolate laxatives have so many uses, it would be criminal just to list one idea. It can be melted down as above, and made into candy, or drizzled over the top of something like donuts, or cookies. It can just be broken up into little squares and mixed in with some trail mix ingredients. The sky is the limit with these things.
Remember, you didn't hear any of this from me.
posted by Bluebeard at 2:47 PM
2 Comments:
The chocolate-covered cotton balls thing is priceless.
I feel like poopoing your pants at work would be the worst thing ever, but everybody seems to have a pretty strong reaction to the cotton balls.
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