Basement time!

A short tour of my basement, in which the things that are too ugly for company to see have been banished by the boo. Now, I realize fully that these things are ugly, and aren't appropriate for display purposes unless you're living inside of a piece of furniture, or under a large pile of moving blankets. But I still want them up somewhere, for some reason. Case in point:


This is the Egypt rug. It isn't a rug at all, but a wall hanging. It looks and feels remarkably like a rug in all ways. But it isn't one, according to the maker. It is a wall hanging. Look at it, gaze deep within Tutankhamen's mysteries, feel his deep and inviting Knapp. mmmmmmm.
But seriously, this thing sucks. And I love it.

Next we have the horse. This is even more mystifying to me than the rug, because at least the rug has some sort of camp value going for it. But this is clearly mass produced faux-art asscrap. And yet, in the basement it rests, be-necklaced and under my domestic immunity. I think the only reason the horse hasn't been at the root of a more serious conflict is because of the existence of the monkey.

The monkey is this little gorilla statue thing I have had since college. It looks something like this:
I have no idea what, if any, the original purpose of this thing was. At one point I thought it may be a very fancy candle, because I found what looked to be a wick on his head, under his hat. But it turned out to be metal, leaving me at square one. It had a sign that said party time, and a wicker hat, and a tiny can of beer. It is smoking a corn cob pipe, and looking very content. When I got it, I had no idea what to do with it, so it became my incense burner. I just put the sticks of incense in the tiny can he was holding, and viola. Over the years it has lost most of its accessories, and has slowly become covered in ash, dust and grime.

The reason that I made a drawing of the monkey, instead of showing a photo is because the monkey is currently hidden. It all started when I hid it in boo's pillow-case, because I knew that she hated it with a fervor. So she responded by putting it in my sock drawer, and so on for a few months. But I have hidden it so well, so carefully, that it has stayed dormant for at least 6 months, maybe 10. In this down time, I am fairly certain that an on sight death warrant has been issued for poor Mr. Monkey statue.

I will defend to the death my half of the rights to the decoration of our home, and I will do so on the battle ground whose name is party time gorilla.